I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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