yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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