Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
