you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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