I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
