Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
