Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
