I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
