3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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