The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
