i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
