I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
