I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
as a side note pls kill me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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