I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
