my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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