How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
