Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
