you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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