Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
