I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
