i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
