I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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