hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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