it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
