how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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