weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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