is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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