I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
