When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
