Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
