His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
