I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
