I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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