so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
