You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
