You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
