i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is Oprah even human
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
