Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
