just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
