Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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