Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
