Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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