I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently you make a good broom.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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