i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
