I wish I could teleport
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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