my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
