Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
