He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
