all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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