We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
