so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
